Lets talk about men.

Women are much in the news these days.
Everybody’s writing and talking about women.
How she is vulnerable. How she needs to be protected.
How we need to have justice for women.
How women have the right to feel safe.
How women are equal citizens.
How rapists of women and children should be hanged.

And of course those other voices, also about the woman. How she is responsible for rape, by mixing with men, and getting into fashion and all that. How she dresses showing skin and flesh, tempting men. How she crosses limits and stays out late or has relationships. How she should call even her rapists brothers, and if she asks them nicely, they may not rape her. (a gem, that one).How she should not get into private buses or be out on the roads after 9.30.p.m. How she should not carry cell phones, wear skirts, wear pants, play in rock bands, go to pubs, go to movies…..

Perhaps we need to turn it upside down.

It’s about men. And the mistakes society has been making with its men, its boys.

How men are hurting and lash out at the easiest available target (women).
How men are reared in a violent and hierarchical world.
How respect comes from the zeroes in your salary and the size of your car.
How men who get left behind in the race react inside – and outside.
How men are reared to express emotions through anger, swearing, violence, driving fast, drinking – and yes, violent sex.
How men are socialized to see sex as an act of desire, of fleeting and faceless physicality. Not love, not commitment.
How men have never been encouraged to hold a woman – even their woman’s face and look into their eyes in tenderness and breathe a word of honest, vulnerable love. Those scenes only take place in movies supposedly for women.
How very few men can treat other women as sisters, older women as mothers and peers as friends?

When it comes to rape, its men we should be discussing.

-Dr. Jamila Koshy.

Posted in Changing Mindsets